There’s this man sitting across from me at the cafe. He is moderately good looking. His phone rings. He answers in another language. Instantly, he is a Demi-God. My toes start to tingle, there’s a familiar humming-like sensation in my clit. I know I can concentrate on this feeling and bring myself to orgasm just by listening to him. Being in a crowded Starbucks, I decide against it. I fantasize about approaching him, inviting him back to my hotel room and riding him cowgirl style while he says random things in whatever language it is he is speaking. You see, the language itself is irrelevant, it’s the fact it’s a different language than mine and he speaks more than one.
I’m at a concert. The rock band has several singers. The music swells, then silence. They begin singing in 4 part harmony, A cappella. The drums kick in, deep and full of bass. I lurch forward in my seat, clutching the arm rests… breathing fast, sweat beading on my forehead. This orgasm took me by surprise.
I’ve had experiences like this for two months. I began to wonder if there was something medically wrong with me, (like John Travolta in Phenomenon, only with orgasms instead of telekinesis). I carefully reviewed my recent sexual history and came to the sad conclusion that there wasn’t much to review. I went a year without sex (by choice) after my last relationship, then dated someone for a couple of months: foreplay only. I’ve had a couple of brief (casual) sexual encounters since. In other words, I was/am incredibly sexually frustrated. Could it have been simple sexual deprivation that caused me to spontaneously climax to music? Why was it only sound that seemed to bring on these magnificent rushes? Had I been especially sexually drawn to music in the past?
Looking back into the hormonal storm known as my adolescence, I recalled becoming sexually aroused by certain songs, usually dark and brooding ones with strings. Many a young boyfriend has been dry humped to Smashing Pumpkins. So sound, I discovered, is a major piece of my sexuality. I couldn’t be the only person like this could I? I took to the Internet and promptly found this definition on sex-lexis.com:
Acousticophilia: Sexual arousal from certain sounds.
According to the website, theses sounds may include but are not limited to “music, verbal abuse, foreign languages, screaming, panting, moaning, groaning, sighing, heavy breathing and sounds made by sexual congress.”
Well that certainly explained a lot. Aside from verbal abuse, I found all of these things incredibly arousing.
My name is Jessica Stills and I’m an acousticophile.
I had a name for it, but my mind wouldn’t be satisfied with just that. I needed to understand how such a strong physiological and emotional response could come from merely hearing something. Mostly though, I wanted to prove to myself this wasn’t caused by a giant brain tumour.
psychcentral.com ‘s article Music & How It Impacts Your Brain, Emotions, gave me a small piece of the puzzle:
“The appreciation of music is tied to the ability to process its underlying structure, the ability to predict what will happen next in the song. But this structure has to involve some level of the unexpected, or it becomes emotionally devoid…”
Sounded like sex to me. I read on:
“Skilled composers manipulate the emotion within’ the song knowing what their audiences expectations are and controlling when those expectations will (and will not) be met. This successful manipulation is what elicits the chills that are part of any moving song.”
If I exchanged the words “composers” for “lovers”, “song” for “sexual experience” and “moving” for “great”, it becomes clear why some of my most exciting sexual experiences have been with songwriters.
This gave me insight into my arousal with music, but what of languages?
David Ludden Ph.D explained the link between language and music in Psychology Today’s article, Is Music a Universal Language?. He claims that language has a melody, or as linguists call it; prosody. “Exactly these same features -pitch, rhythm and tempo -are used to convey emotion in speech, in a way that appears to be universal across languages… it’s not surprising that many of the brain areas that process language also process music.”
Okay, so now I understood that music and sex are enjoyable for the same reason. Music and language are very similar in composition. So, it’s natural I would enjoy them in a similar way. Why was it though, that I enjoyed these things to the point of trembling legs and soaked through underwear? I have friends that love music and language, but not the way I love music and language.
According to Emily Nagoski Ph.D, in her book, Come As You Are: “What turns us on (or off) is learned from culture and in much the same way children learn vocabulary and accents…”
Acousticophiles may not remember the exact moments from childhood in which they associated specific sounds with the idea of sex and pleasure, but sometime in their childhood, this imprint was made. Looking back to my own, I remember my parents telling me to cover my eyes during the sex scenes in movies.
They didn’t tell me to cover my ears.
I had no visual but I had audio. That’s right, my ideas of what should be sexually stimulating were built on 1980’s/90’s movie soundtracks with overlaying moans and the sounds of overacted kissing. It doesn’t seem so sexy when I think of it that way…
I’ve come to accept acousticophilia as a healthy part of my sexuality. I’ve developed tactics to avoid climaxing in certain social situations: turning down the music or at a concert, trying to recite the ABC’s backwards. The sensations, however, are distracting and it takes energy to focus on the tasks at hand. The real challenge I’ve found, is not satisfying my sexual desire with impulsive decisions. For example: casual sex with near-strangers. Not that there’s anything wrong about that, just that it inevitably leaves me feeling empty and dissatisfied.
All I need to do is find a boyfriend/girlfriend who is multi-lingual, a songwriter, a dirty talker, and willing to have sex with me…
Now there’s some interesting criteria to put on a dating site.